The Designed Man

The Life, Thoughts, and Skills of the Modern Man

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What Kills a Man?

What kills a man? Underappreciation. The lack of play. The lack of passion. The lack of a woman’s touch. The lack of privacy. The gap between you and an unfulfilled childhood dream that grows increasingly larger with the passage of time. The turning of days into habits to wake and sleep from, one day no different from the next. And you just realize one moment that you have aged ten years, and in those ten years were nothing. Unexpressed anger. The suppression of emotions, out of politeness at first, until one day you realize that you no longer remember how to feel. Losing touch of the boy you were. Settling. At first with something simple – a job to pay the bills, the second-best jacket from your deceased father’s belongings – until you have settled with every aspect of your life. I do not know if these things are true for every man, but these are the things that killed me.

They say that cowards die a thousand deaths, the valiant only once. Is this what they meant? The slow decay of your spirit until one day you realize that there is nothing to fight for except hope. The hope that at the end of it all there will still be life, and that it will be your own.

- from my journal, March 2010

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The Challenging Woman

You know the one. She’s always testing you, measuring you, finding your limits. I didn’t realize until recently that I was involved with one.

"I’m trying to drive you crazy," she said.

Yes, there are women out there who are more sane, grounded, and predictable. But you don’t want them. You don’t love them. You want her but she is a challenge. When you realize this, there is one thing to keep in mind:

Don’t panic.

True, it can be exhausting to maintain your cool. It will take all of your courage to keep yourself from jumping ship. And this is precisely why you should stay.

She is a question and to give up seeking the answer means you weren’t that interested in the first place. 

Filed under reflections women